Didn’t Take Long

I had been wondering when the selfishness of my ex would rear it’s ugly head.  It didn’t take long.  I had the following conversation with the dumbass about an hour ago….

Me:  I have somewhere to go on February 5th.  Will you watch our daughter?

Him:  Sure.  (pulling out his phone to look up the date) Is that Super Bowl Sunday?

Me:  I don’t know.  It’s a Sunday.  (I don’t watch football, but yes I know it’s Super Bowl Sunday).

Him:  It is.  I have plans for that day.  I’ll figure something out, I’ll see if my parents can watch her.

*Sidenote:  his parents DO NOT keep an eye on their two grandchildren they adopted.  One child, at around age four, was leaving the house on his own because his grandparents were in their bedroom sleeping during the afternoon, or otherwise busy.

Me:  No.  Your parents CAN NOT watch her for the day.  They don’t watch the kids closely enough for me.  (He knows this.  We’ve had countless conversations over the years about his parents lack of attention).

Him:  Are you making a value judgement on my parents?

Me:  No.  But you know they don’t watch the kids closely enough, and I’m concerned that they wouldn’t watch her as closely as I’d like.

Him:  (mad for some reason) This is something I’ve gone to for nineteen years.  

Me:  Well, there have been lots of things I wanted to do in the past several years that I could’t do, including one super bowl Sunday when I had to stay home all day to wait for the plumber.  In fact, you’ve done EVERYTHING you wanted to do over the past several years.  Everything.  I guess you won’t get to go, unless you take her with you.  I wouldn’t even leave her at the house for a day alone with my parents (my mom doesn’t get around as easily as she once did, heck she’s 74 and has arthritis, not because she wouldn’t pay attention).

Him:  (Storming to the door)  We’ll have to figure something out.  (then as he’s outside ON THE STREET walking to his car) I guess you have to change the date!

Me:  I can’t.  I’m not.  I guess you won’t go.

Him: I’m going.

Me:  (thinking to myself, like hell you will.  I will DRIVE to the valley to retrieve my child if you go against my wishes.)

REALLY?  Really you selfish asshole?  You don’t even watch football.  Ever.  You haven’t sat down to watch a football game in years.  I don’t give a fuck about some super bowl party you want to go to.  Your daughter is way more important than some fricken party.  You should be jumping at the chance to spend a day with her.  

*Sidenote: Whenever he has her for the day, he goes to his parent’s house.  If they are not home, he goes to where he is staying and tries to keep her busy, until they get home. He has no imagination, and knows nothing about taking care of his daughter.  And he won’t ask me what to do.  Dummy.

So yes, his selfishness is showing.  And over the past few months things had been going so well with him coming to see our little girl several times a week….three times a week to be exact, which is more than he was seeing her before I put him out.  But he won’t even take her for a day unless I ask him to.

I knew he was selfish.  I had figured it out over the past couple of years, just how effing selfish he is.  But now, a super bowl party is more important than spending time with his daughter?  He will fuck around and not see her.  I’m not the type of woman who will keep a man or his family from my child (unless there was a case of some sort of abuse or it wasn’t safe for her to spend time with them).  But rather than have her start feeling sad because he doesn’t come to see her like he used to, I ‘d rather him just start slacking off now, while she is still young.  She won’t understand, but I will figure out how to work around it.  I’m guessing that the time when he doesn’t show up for visits because something more important came up is on the horizon.

Only time will tell.

I really just want to call him up and put him on blast for this selfish bullshit.  I have physical custody, but we have joint legal custody.  I’ll change it if I have to, to sole everything.  He clearly can’t make decisions that are in the best interest of his child.  He is only thinking of himself.  Now I’m afraid that if he has her for the day, he will leave her for the day at his parent’s house.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

I Did Good

You know how you make a decision, and then every day after that decision is made you think to yourself, “Yep, I did good”?  That’s me.  I did good.  I woke up this morning feeling on top of the world.  I had made a decision. I had followed through on something put into motion months ago.  I am no long wondering about the “when” of it, the “how of it.”  I am now all about the next steps.  

I wondered today, and thought I might ask the question…”You are getting what you wanted. Happy now?”  I’ll admit that for one nano-second, I wondered what his reaction was when he was served with the divorce papers.  But after that brief moment, the wondering was gone.  I don’t have to care anymore.  So I don’t.

I am at peace.  Truly.  Of course there are lots of changes I both want and need to make to my life and for my child, but I am glad of one thing.  I don’t have to suffer the fool any longer.

That’s a heady feeling, freedom.  Yes, I know…true freedom won’t reign supreme until the judge signs the final judgement.  But I’m singing a Cameo song…about single life.

In the words of a song I can’t remember the name to …”What a beautiful world this would be…what a glorious time to be free.”

My day went well.  How was yours? 

A Brighter Day

My day got a little brighter around 12:45pm.  I got the “Filed” stamps and case number stamps on my divorce paperwork.  I also had a packet to serve on the idiot.  What a feeling.  I think I fairly skipped out of the courthouse.  Anyone who has filed for divorce on their own (sans lawyer) knows that it is a lengthy (and confusing) process.  There are discussions about community property and dividing the assets, discussions about whether or not retirement/pension plans get shared, discussions about custody arrangements and child support.  None of it is any fun.  

I originally went the online route, purchasing the paperwork/software from a website.  I followed all of their instructions and went to file the paperwork back in November of 2011.  To my dismay (and extreme irritation) the instructions that came with the paperwork I purchased were seriously lacking, missing information, and skipping many important steps. NOTE:  If you are filing for divorce (I HOPE you never have to), or have legal paperwork to fill out, your local courthouse will have the paperwork for free, and will have a family law/legal aid center that can and will provide you with information on how to fill out the forms.  Don’t do like I did and purchase the rights to some some online software.  That was money down the drain (I’m requesting a refund).  I ended up using the family law/legal aid center, attending their Divorce workshop.  They were great.  They helped me navigate all the legalities of dividing assets and guiding me through how to fill out the forms.  After the second workshop, I was given the green light.  I could file my petition.  

And so I did.  My sister served the idiot tonight.  He wasn’t surprised (I don’t think), he knew it was coming.  Now we just have to go over the paperwork and I will see if I can help him understand the benefits of not responding.  He will probably disagree with my estimate of his monthly income before taxes. I predict implosion in 10…9…8…  I explained what I put in the paperwork, but he didn’t look at it before he left.

Actually filing has helped to lift a weight off of my shoulders.  I don’t have to worry about that part of the process anymore.  There are more steps, but I am confident I can navigate through them.  Heaven forbid the idiot decides he wants to contest.  That would suck.

Oh happy day!

Dude, Really?

Yesterday, I commented to the idiot that when he is here with our daughter, he should be “here,” not trying to run out the door when his phone rings, and rings again.  He had the nerve to get all pissy, start yelling, and try to tell me that I “was trying to pit him against his daughter.”  Dude, really?  How the hell would I do that?  She’s TWO years old.  I calmy told him that I was not trying to start an argument, that I was merely stating an observation, that he should spend time with her when he’s here.  He tried to yell some more, and I hung up.  Hanging up felt good.

See, I don’t have to deal with that shit any more.  I can hang up on him.  I can say whatever the hell I want.  I don’t have to be nice in order to try to get something I’ve been asking for.   I have no stake in how he feels.  I couldn’t care less.  Plus, I already told him that there would be no more yelling at me, EVER.  I guess he didn’t think I meant it.  Dude, really?  I always say exactly what I mean.  I’m a great communicator.

I made him get his crap out of my garage too.  I’d told him that I wanted it out by the end of the year.  I guess he thought I was kidding, because I had to remind him last Tuesday/Wednesday that I wanted it gone.  I also had to remind him that this past Saturday was the end of the year.  Now I don’t have to look at that crap every time I drive into the garage.  Cool beans.

It’s a new year.  I’ve got plans for myself.  I’m getting the divorce paperwork filed within a matter of weeks (that’s a whole ‘nother story), and I’m working on things to make life better for myself and my daughter.

Twenty-twelve is going to be a better year than twenty-eleven.  It has to be.  I’m not putting up with any crap from my ex.  I don’t have to.

Life is good.